Cool Car!

“Cool car!” my two year old shouts and points from her car seat to Matt and I sitting in the front. I look to see where she is pointing. I realize she is pointing at a Cybertruck. Wide eyed, I point out to Matt where she is pointing and we both laugh. “No,” he says back to her, “that is not a cool car.” I look in the rear view mirror and see her face crumble. I immediately regret that we laughed. She doesn’t know who the fuck Elon Musk is, she just saw a car that looked different and different is cool. Then her parents laughed in her face and told her that her opinion on what is cool is wrong.

She is full on wailing, so wounded and betrayed by this interaction. My poor sweet sensitive girl. I do an immediate heal turn. There’s no way to explain this to her while emotions are this high. “Oh baby, I’m so sorry. Daddy and I were just joking.” I nudge Matt “tell her you were joking.” He looks back at her “I was just joking, baby.” She starts to catch her breath. I try to slip in a little explanation “it’s just we don’t like those cars, but we can like different things. Like how Daddy doesn’t like beans, but you and I do. If you think those cars are cool then they are!”

It’s too many words, she starts crying again. “Oh, it’s ok baby. We were just joking. It is a cool car! It looks different from all the other cars, right? It’s weird and we love weird!” She starts to calm and catch her breath. After a beat she starts replaying what happened. “I was having a hard time. I said ‘cool car’ and Daddy said ‘no’ and I cried.” She likes to replay afterwards, like a professional athlete watching their own tapes. “Yeah, but Daddy was joking, right?” I said back to her. “Yes, Daddy was joking,” she says, looking at me in the mirror and smiling.

Throughout the next week she continues to point out Cybertrucks and say “cool car!” At first I simply agree “yeah, cool car!” Then I add in a little nuance

HER: Cool car!

ME: Yeah, that’s one of those cars you like!

She continues to replay what happened when she first shared her love of Cybertrucks.

HER: Cool car! Daddy said ‘no’ but he was joking.

I look at her in the mirror and she is looking into the distance and nodding her head. She’s studying what happened and why we had that reaction and reminding herself of the explanation I told her. She’s soothing herself with this explanation. But she’s smart, the reason she keeps repeating this is because it doesn’t quite make sense. Our strong reaction didn’t feel like a joke to her. She’s reminding herself of what I said because she trusts me, but it’s not quite lining up. I know I have to explain a little more, but how do I explain that Elon Musk is evil? How do I explain that this man has enough money to solve world hunger but instead focuses on getting more money and power? How do I explain that he’s a racist piece of shit? How do I explain that he is a pedo who doesn’t see girls as human beings? How do I explain that he is a solipsistic narcissist who doesn’t see anyone besides himself as real and deserving?

ME: Yeah, do you want me to explain why Daddy said that?

I look in the mirror and she nods at me.

ME: It’s because the man who designed that car is not very nice, he’s not good at sharing. Remember how sometimes we help bring food to people who need it?

HER: Because our fridge is full!

ME: Yes, we are very lucky that our fridge is full.

HER: But the fridge is broken right now.

ME: True. But we still have plenty to eat in the ice chests and cupboards, right?

HER: We have yogurt drinks!

ME: Yes, and berries and mac and cheese. Lots of yummy stuff. And we bring food to other people because not everyone is as lucky as us. And everyone deserves food and a full tummy, right?

HER: Yes! I want a snack.

ME: Ok, I have string cheese or a tangerine?

HER: Tangerine!

ME: Ok, hold on while I peel it.

HER: Tangerine please!

I reach my arm back in that position only moms seem to know how to do.

ME: Here you go.

HER: Thank you thank you thank you!

ME: You’re welcome, baby. So everyone deserves to eat and the man who made those cars is not very nice. He has so so so much and he doesn’t share. But Daddy and I believe it’s important to share. Like when we were at the park and you shared your goldfish with Alex, because you had plenty and she didn’t have any. Right?

HER: And she gave me quesadilla!

ME: Yes, the day before she gave you quesadilla. Sometimes she has more and sometimes you have more and when we share everybody has enough! Because there is always enough, if everyone shares.

She nods and takes that in.

ME: So that’s why Daddy and I laughed and said “no” when you said that car is cool. It wasn’t really because of the car, it’s because the man who made it is mean and is not good at sharing. He also thinks people should be treated differently because of how they look, but we can talk about that later. You can still think it’s a cool looking car though.

HER: Cool car!

I look and she is pointing at another Cybertruck.

ME: Yup.

HER: But there is a mean man in there.

ME: (stifling a laugh) Yes, well not in there. I don’t know who’s in there. But the man who designed the car is mean. Like Jack in your book “If I Built a Car” designed a car?

HER: With the dome!

ME: Yes, with the plexiglass dome.

HER: A mean man built that car.

She is still looking at the Cyberjunk driving along next to us. They look like the improvised armored cars used by the Spanish Republic in the Spanish Civil War. But with less style, and those were home made. Cybertrucks look like a science fair project from a 5th grader.

pic from warrelics.edu

ME: Yeah.

I still think Cybertrucks look dumb as hell and I can’t imagine Elon Musk building anything, but close enough. Anyway if your uncle or dad is having trouble understanding why Elon Musk sucks, feel free to borrow my script.